so todays it. its the last day of 2009. honestly, this is the year that will stick in my mind for the rest of my life. the things that have happened this year will forever be engraved in my head and this year will be known as the absolute hardest year ive ever experienced. on the contrary it is the year that made me realize so much. ive grown up a lot the last 365 days, ive cried a lot in the last 365 days, ive lost a lot in the last 365 days, and ive grown a lot stronger in the last 365 days. i have lost 2 very important in my life, one ofthem i never got to say goodbye to. the other, im just glad my last words to her were i love you even though it had been a month prior. i have falled head over heels for a guy that didnt feel the same way. i have had countless fights with friends that all leaded to the same thing, a fake apology and fake smile. ive lost friends to all different things. ive been backstabbed and abandoned by one and ive been put second next to ones boyfriend. my family fell apart, secrets about them were exposed that led to me to hate my brother but find myself once again talking to him because im lucky to have him in my life. ive lied, and been lied to. ive made choices that i never would have in 6th grade. i have changed my hair color, whitened my teeth, fake tanned, changed how i did my makeup so that i could maybe be considered attractive to the ONLY one that mattered, no matter what he never wanted me. it took a year and a half but i got over him. it took drastic experiences and it took all of me but i did it. i started going to therapy where i would cry every time. i watched my father date another women before my parents got legally divorced. then i found out my parents were never married so they didnt need to get a divorce. i did stupid things because i was caught int he moment. i trusted the wrong people. i looked in the mirror and cried. i made new friends, i forgot about the ass holes. i over came fears, i did what i wanted, i laughed, i had fun. 2009 broke me down and stripped me of a lot and i will never forget anything that happened this year. im a different person then i was this time last year. unfortunately, so are most of the people around me. 2010 is my break. im going to enjoy it and ignore the drama. if im not happy with something im going to change it, im just going to be happy. i dont care if this year is boring even though i doubt it will, i just dont wanna cry like i did last year. i wanna be happy. and all i ask is for my family to stay with me throughout the whole thing because i couldnt handle losing anymore family. i just cant. they are all i have and they are all i can trust. thanks to 2009, everythings different and no one is worth everything you have.
