single.
every.fucking.guy. they all do the same shit to me. im done with boys& their bullshit. im not letting anyone else in again cus they just hurt me. i thought he was going to be different but obviously not. theres so much i want to say but i just cant get it into words. he didnt even speak to me the whole night about it cus he said i needed “time to cool down” fuuuck that. obviously if i text you FIVE times i wanna talk. dumbass. whatever. single for life. its fine. i hate men.
this is when you know things are bad.
i only post when something is seriously wrong. so, one of my close guy friends who i really care about has a new girlfriend and they’ve only known each other for 3 days and i told him that i think hes rushing into things and usually when he does that he gets hurt and iw as just looking out for him. plus, she lives really far and i just didnt think it was gonna work out. OH AND she just got out of a one year relationship. recipe for disaster. then he starts to write some nasty things to me about how im a slut. (what?) and how eric never loved me because im a b*tch (cant curse cus of lent) and it was just really low blows. i cant believe that he would continue to say things that like to me. i was looking out for him because i care about him and didnt wanna see him get his heart broken AGAIN, and this is what i get. he is still continuing to put me down about myself and its really upsetting me. ive never done anything to him and all i wanted to do was help. thanks bud, appreciate it.
2009
so todays it. its the last day of 2009. honestly, this is the year that will stick in my mind for the rest of my life. the things that have happened this year will forever be engraved in my head and this year will be known as the absolute hardest year ive ever experienced. on the contrary it is the year that made me realize so much. ive grown up a lot the last 365 days, ive cried a lot in the last 365 days, ive lost a lot in the last 365 days, and ive grown a lot stronger in the last 365 days. i have lost 2 very important in my life, one ofthem i never got to say goodbye to. the other, im just glad my last words to her were i love you even though it had been a month prior. i have falled head over heels for a guy that didnt feel the same way. i have had countless fights with friends that all leaded to the same thing, a fake apology and fake smile. ive lost friends to all different things. ive been backstabbed and abandoned by one and ive been put second next to ones boyfriend. my family fell apart, secrets about them were exposed that led to me to hate my brother but find myself once again talking to him because im lucky to have him in my life. ive lied, and been lied to. ive made choices that i never would have in 6th grade. i have changed my hair color, whitened my teeth, fake tanned, changed how i did my makeup so that i could maybe be considered attractive to the ONLY one that mattered, no matter what he never wanted me. it took a year and a half but i got over him. it took drastic experiences and it took all of me but i did it. i started going to therapy where i would cry every time. i watched my father date another women before my parents got legally divorced. then i found out my parents were never married so they didnt need to get a divorce. i did stupid things because i was caught int he moment. i trusted the wrong people. i looked in the mirror and cried. i made new friends, i forgot about the ass holes. i over came fears, i did what i wanted, i laughed, i had fun. 2009 broke me down and stripped me of a lot and i will never forget anything that happened this year. im a different person then i was this time last year. unfortunately, so are most of the people around me. 2010 is my break. im going to enjoy it and ignore the drama. if im not happy with something im going to change it, im just going to be happy. i dont care if this year is boring even though i doubt it will, i just dont wanna cry like i did last year. i wanna be happy. and all i ask is for my family to stay with me throughout the whole thing because i couldnt handle losing anymore family. i just cant. they are all i have and they are all i can trust. thanks to 2009, everythings different and no one is worth everything you have.
long time no blog
its just one of those days for me. im realizing how much has changed in the last few months. i lost my best friend to complete randos..me and her have gone through everything together and now we walk past each other like we never knew each other and thats reallyhard for me. i just keep thinking back to the days when she told me she never wanted to lose me and she sang “my life would suck without you” to me before i was leaving for georgia. i just really miss her and all the good times we had together. i wish she wasnt such a bitch and i wish she didnt do exactly what my old friend did to me last year. i miss everything and how it used to be. ive been saying that since 8th grade, i guess this was meant to happen and i guess i just have to make new friends. seems like everyone else is including my other friend who has ditched me every weeekend for her boyfriend, i would never do that that to one of my friends. i hate this feeling and i hate crying and i hate days like there where you realize the truth.
dkfjfdkg
i only update when i feel a spark of inspiration or somethings just really on my mind. (in this case its number 2) ohkay so i did something, that i never thought i’d ever do. it wasnt me @ all and i still cant believe i did it. but i dont regret it @ all. when i texted my cousin to tell her what happened she yelled @ me and my reaction was “fuck you” she got even madder and now we dont talk and another one of her friendsODed and died. shes had such a hard year but i dont wanna say anything to her. we told each other we’d tell each other everything so when i told her she shouldnt of flipped. i just miss her a lot and want things to be like they were cus she is one of the most important people in the world to me. ugh i just want school to start, my backpacks packed and everything.
haha i love them(: i cried when i said goodbye to christian and nick. imma miss those boysssss. i have circles under my eyes o.O
hot damn its been a while
k welllllllllllllll im coming home tomorrow. its been 3 weeks that ive been away and i get the idea no one cares. HA ohkay moving foward this summers pretty lame im looking forward to school starting actually. yeah and that boy i used to write about constantly..no longer in my life mhm this time im serious and i blocked him everywhere possible but then i looked @ his away today and saw that it said hes ready to settle down. maybe i finally got into that boys head. yeah well whatever im done with him and i dont believe he’ll ever be in a relationship longer then a month and if he is..he isnt being faithful simple as that. yeah and i heard my cousin on the phone with someone telling them how my dads gf gave him the key to her house..idk it creeps me out that my parents are still legally married and hes living with another women when he just left in january. but whatever shes ugly. ohkay wellll life is actually starting to get better for me and im having fun and whenever i go on here i get kinda sad ha because of all the previous stuff i wrote. my tumblarity is 0<3
im done
with this website. too many people saw my other one. im not writing anything anymore.
i havent been on here in a while
k so my bus comes in like 15 minutes so imma write for the first time in like 3 weeks ahaha. k so things are gradully starting to get better. He’s treating me soo much betterand i didnt even say anything to make him. hes treating me like a real person except for last night..ha. yeah well he said i was the only girl he has feelings for but idk. since im nosey i looked on his fb and theres like 873598746 girls writing to him, leaving him videos and like he saying “ily” to them but i think its in a friend way..idk thats why im second guessing him. He told me he was moving so that i would come see him sooner which I think is nice, cus he really wants to see me and i think, THINK hes coming here next friday but who really knows anymore. But idk im kinda developing a crush on this other kid in my school, idk though he likes me but i think that me and him are friends and i dont want things to be awkward between us cus thats happened to me before haha. yeah and that other girl is slowly trying to come back here im not sure why though..maybe cus her friends are slowly starting to leave her? idk but its weird. im starting to not like my dad..the things hes done to my mom are so disguting that i cant look at him the same way anymore. hes a great dada to me but the things ive heard and witnessed..i just cant think of him as the same person as he used to be. schools almost over im leaving for georgia, my birthdays in 4 days but im not really excited like i was. i miss my old friend that im not friends with anymore. but ik the drugs have completley changed her and all the things i missed probaby wont be there anymore so even if we did become friends again, i’d still be missing who she used to be. idk if that makes sence to anyone ese but me. and i dont like some of the japs @ ALL. k im done. bye(:
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